"You are cordially invited to my Pity Party! Please RSVP by next Thursday!"

So I guess my title says it all. There will be b*tching. There will be moaning. You have been warned.

My job is driving me INSANE. Normally, I'm a very positive person - always trying to see the upside. But I'm telling you, right now, there is no seeing this cup as half full. It is slowly shredding the remaining threads of my nerves and sanity and I'm not sure what to do about it. I thought about applying for another job..but the company turned right around and filed for bankruptcy. Whew...glad I didn't go there. It just wares on you when you bust your rump every single day, only to be treated like an irresponsible child that has to be checked in with constantly. I come in early, stay late, skip lunch breaks to work, and at the current time, not only take on my job...but most of the job of my coworker who is out on maternity leave. Then to be treated as though non of that matters and that I am completely untrustworthy and must be carefully monitored. I feel as though I take on a great deal of responsibility at my job and are rarely shown any sort of appreciation. Only reprimanded when a unimportant task inevitably falls through the cracks. I just...am really sort of miserable there. I feel like it is draining the life out of me.

Thus there is a ripple effect. I guess I am just in one of those slumps right now, where everything just seems crappy. I feel like everywhere I turn, something is there to kick me in the shin and just weigh my heart down. Even something simple like the fact that my blogger won't show me you guys' updates on my dashboard makes me just depressed and annoyed.

And this is sort of stemming from Paige's last post. Valentine's Day and other holidays of the like seem to bring on a question that I used to not mind, but slowly is becoming my least favorite question and is likely to get you a dirty look or punched square in the nose. "When are you and Cory getting married?" Sheesh....your guess is as good as mine. I've been thinking its been on the horizon for a while now...only to have months pass by with nothing. The thing that makes me crazy is that we talk about it a great deal. But until recently, I never really realized that it's always like "when we get married, one day when we're married" but it's never had a concrete time on it. People are starting to look at me funny when I tell them we've been together over 4 years and that we aren't engaged. Don't get me wrong, I don't care what other people think about it, but I can't help that the questions have slowly begun to put tiny cracks in my confidence in our future. I'm ready, and I love him. He's my soulmate and I don't doubt that for a second. But my doubt is with him....what's stopping him? Does he not feel the same? We've been talking about it for so long, and I have been ready all this time. I'm starting to feel like I'm waiting for a bus that will never come. We're just doomed to have this akward coexistence that consists of taking turns driving to each others places each night and having him come over to use my washer and dryer. I just don't get it and it really takes a chunk out of my heart and self esteem.

Bah....I hate to sound all whiny and mopey. It's just how I'm feeling at the moment. Just pray for me.